yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
