I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
