Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
