Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Its about making memories worth repressing
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
