I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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