Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
