the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
