Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
