i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
