I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
