All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
