This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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