the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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