i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
