69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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