part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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