I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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