ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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