ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
