I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Randomize
