I accidentally burped into my bong.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
