Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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