I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
