Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
