You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
