The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
