Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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