just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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