I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
