OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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