went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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