U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
