So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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