you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
a search helicopter?!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
