Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you win again, gameday.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
