Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
