life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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