cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
