Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize