I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
