I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i want to swaddle you in tequila
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
