yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Pooping to opera.
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