just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
