Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
