Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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