how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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