yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
