Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dick very happy bro
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
