You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
there is glitter all over my balls
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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