Umm I'm too high to move.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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