the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
