If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
