I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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