she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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