What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I wish you could order shots online.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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