i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
