a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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