I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
