So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize