we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
