god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
