I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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