If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
