2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
