What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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