We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
