I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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