I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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