DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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