please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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