He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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