thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
